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HEAL YOUR WOUNDED HEART (I) - 'ANGER'

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작성자 최고관리자 작성일15-11-27 16:34 조회1,771회 댓글0건

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 <Proverbs 16: 32>


 At the Korea Theological University, Reverend Tae-ki Chung, one of the professors, teaches a course titled Pastoral Counseling.  I once read his confession.  Until his wounded heart healed at the age of 37, people around him had two nicknames for him.  The nicknames were ‘statue’ and ‘sewing machine.’  People gave him these nicknames because lacking confidence, he was overwhelmed by fear of other people and often stood frozen, like a statue, when meeting people; furthermore, his legs, like those of a sewing machine, shook uncontrollably when he stood in front of people.  While he was studying in the US, Reverend Chung joined a healing group at the age of 37.  Through this group, he understood the reason, the cause, of his internal wounds.

 

 

He grew up in the midst of a lot of hurt, at the hands of his mother and father.  Reverend Chung’s biological mother was three years older than his father was; and his father, who was quite wealthy, took in as a second wife a woman who was sixteen years his junior.  His father had four children with his first wife and five children with his second wife.  Understandably, this father was not affectionate towards his children.  He presided over his children as a violent tyrant.  Reverend Chung would say that when he was young, he stayed outside as long as possible often wandering around the neighborhood after dark, even when there was no one to play with.  His mother, having been neglected by his father, also did not pay much attention to her children; rather, she just concentrated on her work.  Growing up in such a dark, dysfunctional family left numerous scars in Reverend Chung’s heart, and he had problems with interpersonal relations and abnormalities in his personality.

 

 

 Leading a life governed by hurt led to inexplicable and unwarranted anger, rage, anxiety, and frustrations.  The scars and wounds in his heart served as a trough for anger, a storage for deep rage; as a vent for this rage, he sought another person a pushover who could not stand up to him to inflict similar wounds.  He started picking on the son of the housekeeper for no reason.  He could not vent at his parents, for fear of retribution; therefore, he started picking on a weak, innocent boy who had no strength to stand up to him.  According to his confession, Reverend Chung would vent his rage by putting the boy in a large vase, closing the lid and watching him suffer from discomfort.   The second sacrificial lamb of Reverend Chung’s rage was a milk cow that was being raised at his house.  The cow that his older brother was taking care of was healthy and fattened; however, Reverend Chung’s cow was emaciated and showed outright signs of anxiety whenever someone would grab her leash.  The cow was stressed because Reverend Chung often took his anger out on the animal.

 

 

  Harboring such deep hurt and anger in his heart, Reverend Chung had problems maintaining normal interpersonal relationships let alone a good spousal relationship.  The first 37 years of his life were spent in the midst of great pessimism and depression; however, after 6 months of treatment through a psychiatric healing group, he was able to heal the wounds in his heart.

 

 

 As we are upon the first Sunday of Lent, we must heal the anger the emotion that takes a great toll in our hearts.  It is true that no one can live free of anger in this world.  We experience a wide range of anger during the course of our lives from simple annoyance to uncontrollable rage.  The Korean people, in general, tend to have more anger than other people.  The 5,000 year history of the Korean people which is pocked marked with many tribulations, suffering, and pain probably has something to do with that, as some unresolved anger probably resides in the heart.  It is normal to have anger.  If we can control our anger, it can prove be a great catalyst and impetus for our self-improvement and advancement. 

 

 If we lose control of our anger, and should this anger explode, we can bring unimaginable destruction to others, our community, and ourselves.  In this sense, we can say that anger is like a stick of match.  A good, proper utilization of a match yields a controllable fire that allows us to cook, keep us warm, and operate machinery.  This fire is crucial in our lives.  But improper use of a match can bring conflagration that can consume our homes, our assets, and our neighborhood in a blink of an eye.

 

 

 Like Reverend Chung implied in his confession, it is not easy to exact retributions on those who anger us.  A Korean proverb illustrates this point “get slapped at the city hall, take the anger out at the riverside.”  It means that wrong people can become the sacrificial lambs of our rage.  Philosopher Aristotle left a famous quote: “Anybody can become angry.  That is easy.  But to be angry with the right person and to the right degree at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” 

 

 

 I hope that all of us can aptly control our angry emotions and heal the wound that it may leave behind.  We need to think about the following two things in order to heal our angry emotions.  First, we need to know the source, or the cause, of our anger.  In order to discern the source of our anger, we need to first define anger.  Anger, in a dictionary, is defined as ‘a strong feeling of displeasure aroused by a real or a supposed wrong.’  Anger, then, is a feeling that arises after something we perceive as wrong an injustice leaves a wound in our hearts.

 

 

Then when do we feel anger?  What makes us mad?  Some time ago, a researcher asked a group of college students to write down the things that made them mad over a course of a week.  Most students cited reproach from other people, inability to finish their work, losing money, auto accidents when the other person is at fault, and being waken up at unwanted hours as primary reasons for their anger.  In another words, about 80% of the people attributed the source of their anger towards actions of other people.  Anger arises when we cannot justifiably express ourselves to others and especially when someone scars our pride. 

 

 

 More specifically, people experience anger in the following three instances.  First, people are angered when they experience injustice.  Moses, upon witnessing pagan worship of the people of Israel when they molded a golden cow threw and shattered the commandment tablets out of great anger (Exodus 32: 19).  Why was Moses so angered?  Because the people of Israel were wrong.  They ignored the God Who led them out of Egypt and in His stead worshipped an icon.  Why did the benevolent God decimate the Temple of Jerusalem?  Why did he drive the merchants out of the temple and overturn the tables of the money exchangers and the chairs of the pigeon sellers?  Because they committed wrongful acts.  The merchants of the temple turned God’s house of prayer into ‘den of thieves.’  (Matthew 21: 13).

 

 

 Second, people are angered when their plans or expectations are laid to waste.  People get angry when they cannot get into the college of their choice, or when they are not recommended for a promotion.  Gary Priddle of Victoria, British Columbia in Canada was once indicted for repeatedly striking and injuring a dog with a golf club.  Priddle was upset at a truck that was in front of him in a highway, as this truck was waiting for a group of ducks to cross the road.  Thinking that the truck is blocking his path, he started beating on the dog that was in the cabin of the truck with a golf club.  People get angry when things do not go as they had planned.

 

 

  Third, people are angered when they are rebuffed, are restrained, are embarrassed in front of others, are wrongfully denounced, or when their pride is hurt.  In the fourth chapter of Genesis, the story of the first murderer in history, Cain, is mentioned.  Why did Cain beat Abel to death?  It is because God refused to accept his offering while accepting the offering of his younger brother, Abel.  Imagine the sense of anger, the hurt, that Cain must have felt when God accepted Abel’s offering over his offering.  Cain’s countenance fell and he became angry once his offering was rejected and his pride hurt.  By failing to control his anger, Cain holds the dubious distinction as the mankind’s first murderer.

 

 

 When we feel anger and rage in our heart, we need to stop and analyze the cause of the anger by asking ourselves, “why do I have such unpleasant feelings?”  The disease, or affliction, of the emotional heart can be easily cured if the source can be discerned.  Likewise, if we know the cause and the source of our anger, we can control that anger and vent it in a correct manner.

 

 

Now that we know the cause of our anger, we need to learn how to correctly deal with that anger.  There are two types of anger.  They are holy anger and sinful anger.  To reiterate, there are God’s anger and secular anger.  Then what distinguishes the holy anger from the secular anger?  What is the difference between God’s anger and human’s anger?  The holy, or God’s anger exist to realize and meet God’s intent.  God gets angry at the unjust and sinful world, which goes against His very nature. 

 

 

 By virtue of the fact that God angers, it is not a sin for us humans to get angry.  In fact, the ability to get mad is a gift that God has given us.  The problem lies in the fact that this anger often becomes a sinful anger that destroys not only our relations with our neighbors but our very relationship with God.  Then how can we turn our anger into holy anger?

 

 

 If our anger is to become a holy anger, then our anger must be resistant to sin.  Just as God’s anger is purely based on abhorrence of sin, our anger can be holy if we fight sin like God.  Further, God always controls holy anger.  It is not controlled by man’s desires or emotions, and certainly not by the demons; rather, holy anger is an extension of God’s righteous authority.  Holy anger does not satiate our selfish desires and satisfaction it promotes the common good of our neighbors and our community.  Anger that temporarily satisfies our immediate need to vent while hurting our neighbors and community cannot ever be a holy anger.

 

 

 Then how can we wisely and sagaciously deal with the angry emotions that erupt from our hearts on a daily basis?  People generally show four types of response to anger.  First, people refuse to recognize the existence of anger in their hearts and attempt to repress it.  For example, they concentrate harder on work, watching TV, or reading a novel when angry to avoid the issue.  Second, although they may concede to existence anger, they hide it from others.  Hiding anger can result in dangerous accumulation of rage that often belies their smiling exterior.  As a result, they often suffer from headaches, ulcers, heart attacks, and depression.  Third, they express their anger, whether it is through destructive methods or in some other ways.  They often take their anger out on innocent people who had nothing to do with their anger.  For example, a person severely reprimanded at work by his supervisor might, out of fear of retribution should he take the matter up with supervisor, keeps his anger bottled up inside and take it out on his family.  Or he could just kick a rock out of frustration.  Fourth, people can confess their anger to God and people around them and seek a solution.  As Christians, we must resort to this last method to deal with our anger.

 

 

 Then how do we manage our anger in a Christian manner?  First, we must succumb to the control of the Holy Spirit.  When we feel anger, the Holy Spirit gives us the ability of temperament and restraint.  The Holy Spirit abases our response to anger.  What does today’s scripture tells us?  “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”  In Proverbs 14: 29, it is also stated, “He who is slow to wrath has great understanding.”  In James 1: 19-20, the Bible also states, “let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”  How can we slow our wrath?  We need to be under the control of the Holy Spirit.  Only when the leash of restraint and temperament tethers and binds our emotional anger through the fulfillment of the Holy Spirit, can we slow our wrath.

 

 

We must be humble and honest.  We need to recognize, humbly and honestly, that we are losing control in our fit of rage.  We must not attribute other people or our environment as the source of our anger; rather, we must have the fortitude to concede that we are the cause of our anger.

 

 

 When angry, we must watch our words.  Proverbs 15: 1 states, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  Harsh words are often the reason behind anger turning into uncontrollable destruction.  When we are angry, we must maintain our composure and restrain our tongues.  We need to think about the consequences of our actions when we are angry we need to think about what results will our actions bring.  We sometimes resort to profanity and breaking things around us to deal with and cope with our anger.  But those methods do not resolve or alleviate our anger.  They may give us a moment’s reprieve, but they can also bring unimaginable calamities.  We need to train ourselves to be forgiving and persevering, regardless of how great the temptation is to fall in a fit of rage, erstwhile firmly believing that God will solve all our problems.  The Bible states in Romans 12: 19, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”  Believe that the omniscient and omnipotent God will solve everything; when the seeming injustice comes upon us, all we need to do is hold our tongues.

 

 

 Anger is not always a sin.  Those who do not feel anger and rage towards injustice and sin cannot be considered the people of God.  Yet, most people choose to hold sinful and secular anger in their hearts instead of holy anger.  During Lent, we need to reflect on those things that bring us anger.  When we bare all our wounds and scars to Jesus and His Cross, all our wounds will be healed.

 

 

 Those who are easily angered seek the worst of everything.  They are always critical, pessimistic, and hostile.  Their hearts are always full of anger.  We need to heal these hearts.  They must be treated with God’s abilities.  If we harbor such anger in our hearts, then we need to get treated during Lent.  Heal all your wounds through the powers of the Cross! 

Amen.

 

 

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