The Joy of Reading about John Wesley


Recently, I have been getting a great pleasure and delightful joy in reading books about John Wesley. Even though he is the father of our Methodist Church, I have not had the opportunity enough to read about him in greater detail; recently, however, I find myself being driven by the desire and impetus to learn about and research the theology and the pastoral ministry of John Wesley. In reading numerous books and articles about him, I came across some interesting and previously unknown facts. For example, Wesley was a man of small stature, standing scant 5 feet 3 inches, or 158 cm, tall. Despite his height or lack thereof his eyes took on a constantly bright aura, and he possessed an appearance that exuded intelligence and charisma. Those who had a face-to-face conversation with him or had listened to his sermons were easily captivated by his intelligence and bearing.

Albert Outler, a renowned interpreter of Mr. Wesley, stated, “he was an obsessive-compulsive neurotic all his life and his religion never really cured his neurosis. He had an authoritarian temper all too often imitated, without comparable results.” I knew already well that Wesley was an authoritarian by nature; however, hearing Dr. Outler, who had keen psychoanalytical interests as well, describe Wesley as an “obsessive-compulsive neurotic” was, indeed, a surprising discovery to me.  

Yet, the one facet of John Wesley’s life that truly captivated my attention was the fact that Wesley had a very little luck with women that his life was marked by series of unsuccessful relationships and one misfortunate marriage with women. In fact, he had no luck with women in terms of love affairs. The heartbreaking love story between Wesley and Sophia Hockey, which took place while Wesley was working as a missionary in Georgia between 1736 and 1737, is a well-known and documented story among Methodists. Wesley, who was 33 at the time, fell madly in love with Hopkey, who was 15 years junior to him at a tender age of 18.

In fact, the relationship between Wesley and Hopkey proved to be so scandalous and problematic that a legal battle ensued, involving the family of Thomas Causton, an uncle of Hopkey who was serving as the Chief Magistrate of the City of Savannah in Georgia. Despite all these problems, Wesley truly loved Hopkey; yet, his love will not be realized, as he was unable to marry her. Greatly discouraged and depressed, Wesley, along with his vain dream of marriage, gave up his goal of spreading the Gospel to native Indians across the American continent. An entry in his journal, dated December 2, 1737, reads, “I shook off the dust of my feet and left Georgia, after having preached the gospel (not as I ought, but as I was able) one year and nearly nine months.”  

I had heard that John Wesley ended up having a very unhappy marriage, and his wife, Mary Vazeille, ranks in the top three along with Socrates’ wife and Leo Tolstoy’s wife as the most evil wives in history. I learned from my readings that before Wesley married Mary Vazeille, he almost married Grace Murray, a woman of low social status. Grace Murray was a widow, 13 years younger than Wesley, and had been hired by Wesley as a caretaker of sick and worn-out pastors at the Orphan House in Newcastle. She was, in fact, of a servant status, and therefore her social status being nowhere near that of John Wesley’s at the time. Whenever Wesley returned from the brutally tiring missionary circuit, and especially when he was sick or ill, Grace Murray nursed him back to health with utmost care and effort. Wesley, perhaps impressed and inspired by her care, eventually harbored a deep affection for her in his heart.

Unfortunately, Murray had already a deep relationship with John Bennett in secret, who was serving the church with Wesley at the time. Yet, Wesley had no inkling of knowledge regarding Murray’s relationship with Bennett and believed that Grace Murray was his match made in heaven; in fact, Wesley was pretty sure that he was going to marry her. Only an intervention by Wesley’s younger brother, Charles, prevented the naïve Wesley from making a mistake in getting involved in a relationship and marriage with Grace Murray.  

Mary Vazeille, whom Wesley wed in February of 1751, was a widow of a wealthy merchant. Like Grace Murray, Vazeille, a 41-year old widow, took great care in nursing and looking after Wesley after he returned from his long missionary trips. Akin to the situation surrounding Murray, Wesley grew to hold a deep affection for Vazeille. On February 10, 1751, Wesley slipped and had a heavy fall in the middle of the London Bridge, which had frozen due to cold temperature. And he was carried by chair to Mrs. Vazeille’s house in Threadneedle Street; there, Vazeille nursed the injured Wesley. We can surmise that Wesley, who taken aback by Mary Vazeille’s kindness and care, probably decided to marry her during this period. Charles Wesley, who was astonished and disappointed at the news, refused to eat and even canceled scheduled sermons.

Mary Vazeille was actually married to a wealthy merchant named Anthony Noah Vazeille. Anthony Noah Vazeille had been one of the wealthiest merchants in Huguenot, and ended up leaving a vast wealth to his wife and family after he died. (Wesley, believing that the inheritance belonged to Mary and the children from her previous marriage, did not touch a penny from the inheritance.) Before her second marriage to Wesley, Vazeille had several children with her first husband and was widely known as a good wife and caring mother. However, her faith was shallow and did not meet the standard of John Wesley’s faith, the faith that led him to proclaim that a man “must not love creature human more than he loves Creator God.”  

Happy first days of marriage quickly eroded into miserable days as the years wore on. Wesley sought marriage to Mary Vazeille out of the desire to find a stable and comfortable environment from which he could concentrate on spreading the Gospel. However, Mary did not look kindly upon Wesley, who almost completely neglected his home and family and instead, spent many days and nights abroad to answer his calling.

Furthermore, Mrs. Wesley’s free opening of the letters and correspondence that Mr. Wesley exchanged with female members of his congregation planted a seed of deep anger and jealousy in her heart. The letters that especially made Vazeille hysterically jealous were those Wesley exchanged with Sarah Ryan a three-time divorcee who was viewed as a troublemaker even within the Methodist Church. In fact, Wesley exchanged letters with the female members of his congregation not out of inappropriate thoughts or desires, but out of genuine interests in their well being as a spiritual counselor. However, Vazeille, who felt that she did not receive adequate love or attention from her husband, probably felt that Wesley had a greater interest in these women and therefore expressed her dissatisfaction in so many words.  

According to witnesses’ accounts, Mary Vazeille tormented John Wesley to a great degree. Some examples of her deplorable and heinous acts include grabbing and pulling out, by a handful, clumps of Wesley’s hair during arguments; publicly berating Sarah Ryan, in front of numerous Methodists, who had exchanged letters with Wesley by saying, “the whore now serving you has three husbands living;” and out of uncontrollable rage, giving information to Calvinists enemies to facilitate their attacks against Wesley. These unscrupulous actions are legendary in depicting the unhappy marriage between Vazeille and Wesley. Vazeille would often run away for days on end after bouts of argument with Wesley; in fact, she would die a lonely death on October 8, 1781, after eventually separating from and leaving Wesley. John Wesley could not attend her funeral; as a matter of fact, he would not even learn of her death until one or two days after the funeral. Nonetheless, Mary Vazeille would forever hold the infamous distinction of being a “distracter of their happiness and peace” among the early Methodists.

Reading about the fact that Wesley had no luck with women made me think about a movie called “The Waterboy,” starring Adam Sandler. “The Waterboy” is a movie about a less-than-bright mama’s boy who would eventually free himself from the overly protective barrier of his mother and grow into a mature and independent human being. Perhaps excessive influence by his mother, Susanna Wesley and the strict relationship with her might make John Wesley unable to establish a healthy, good relationship with women. Of course, such topic of discussion should be broached from psychological and psychoanalytical perspective; nonetheless, such topic proves to be immensely interesting and captivating of our collective attention.

 In fact, Wesley himself had revealed that the sole reason for his belated marriage was “because I should never find such a woman [i.e., Susanna] as my father did.” However, in looking at the course of John Wesley’s life, we can attribute the primary reason for his late marriage to his faith the faith which led him to fear the fact that the act of marriage and the subsequent bond he would form with another human being would hinder his work in spreading the Gospel of God and the pursuit of holiness and purity. (This is the point that Wesley often made to the servants and workers of the Methodist church, recommending a life of chastity and abstinence; as such, many early preachers of the Methodist church, to include Francis Asbury, would lead a life of celibacy.)  

The clumsy relationships Wesley shared with women, or his less-than-happy home life, must be carefully distinguished from those of ordinary people of the secular world. To John Wesley, the relationship with his wife and his home life played second fiddle to his devotion to God and the work of spreading the Gospel. In looking back at John Wesley today through the modern perspective neglecting one’s wife and family, in the name of doing God’s work, could be viewed as a source of criticism and social concern; however, the 18th century represents a desperate period which necessitated such sacrifice and radical measures to spread the Gospel. Yet, we often find ourselves wishing that Wesley, just as he had succeeded in his Methodist movement, would also have had succeeded in leading a happy family life with a loving wife.  

In one sense, the fact that such a humane and perhaps fragile trait existed for a legendary and heroic figure as John Wesley is a comforting to me. That John Wesley, like the rest of us, had weaknesses serve as a good starting point for us to be able to love and understand him even more. He was thus not a god; rather, he was just like us, one of many humans who had come and gone on this earth. Despite the dark and gloomy interpersonal relationships he shared with some of those around him which he had no control over Wesley overcame all and become the incomparable evangelist, theologian, and organizer of a profound religious movement, Methodism. Perhaps the few anecdotes of heretofore unknown and gloomy aspects of Wesley’s life adds some spice to otherwise sacrosanct and heroic life of John Wesley while giving us greater joy and happiness in reading about this great man.